Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
