ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I touched a dick in church today
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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