After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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