ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
