if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
