She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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