She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
