I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
