I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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