The maid of honor just puked.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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