i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
