My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
