So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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