Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
