She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
