i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
