ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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