just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
