I cut my penus on the lid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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