Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
