Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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