Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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