Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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