Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
