can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
