and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
