If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
