Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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