it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
