Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
