she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
there is glitter all over my balls
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
