Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
