you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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