so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
