i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
