I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we're so committed to being not committed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
