Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
COCAINE IS GR8
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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