i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
