I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
