just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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