Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
