Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
