You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
