SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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