What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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