I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
