Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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