I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
