the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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