check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
