We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
