I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
