these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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