I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
