I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
