I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
