seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
