You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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