Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
