we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
