clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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