I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
