Quick, to the slutcave!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
