Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
