he puts the penis in happiness.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I want to be your penis for a week.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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