Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
