In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
