I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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