Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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