You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
only you would photoshop your dick
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
