I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
