Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize