I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
