You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
