so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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