You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
