I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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