It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
