is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
