I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
