Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
