2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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