he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
