Fuck appropriateness.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
