How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize