Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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