woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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