I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
