Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
