If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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