is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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