I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you inspire me to be a worse person
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize