My sheets look like a crime scene.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
