He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
