i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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