my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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