Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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