the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
