She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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