i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
