I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
