Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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