we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
